Failure, My Fair-Weather Friend

You ever hit a chapter in your life in which nothing is seeming to be what you thought it would be? Or despite your best intentions, years of hard work, and understanding, you are still coming up short?

Here I am, 22 years old, college diploma in hand, plenty of performance experience, nine years of voice lessons, and I feel as though I cannot take part in my craft. Like I do not possess the talent necessary. Like I will always fail to impress.

Now, do I truly believe these things? No. But I am at a stage in my life in which these thoughts pervade my mind every second of every day. I desire nothing more than to be able to quiet these negative thoughts and enjoy my passions again, but for now, this is a reality I have to deal with.

So what do I do about it? I still show up (well not right now obviously, but I did when I could, and am doing so virtually now). I make a fool out of myself. I feel embarrassed and fraudulent, but the only way out (that I can think of) is through.

This has been an incredibly self-indulgent post, but if it has any purpose beyond myself, I hope that it shows others that they are not alone in feeling this way. Loneliness is the killer sometimes when you are pursuing your dreams, and I have felt my fair share of it. If I can possibly alleviate that feeling for even one other person, then my saccharine words will have been worthwhile.

I am not a failure because of my poor performance. I am not defined by my productivity. I am not what I make. And I will try again. And one day, it will be better. It will be.