Feeling the Burn

The burnout is palpable. I fill out half a job application and hit a wall. I feel as though I can't commit to tasks. Even mindless things I had been using to avoid work are boring now, which worries me because I'm about to go back to New York. How ever will I indulge myself there?

I don't feel worthy of the burnout. Because none of the work I'm doing is leading to any direct monetary outcome, I don't feel like I've done enough to warrant being burnt out. But that's bullshit, because finding a new job is a full-time job in itself. I have to cut myself some slack and acknowledge that I am working hard.

While scouring my computer for things to do other than job applications, I came across a play I wrote in college and it was wild to read what was on my mind at that time. It seemed like such a frivolous play. It is entertaining and clever, but I would never even think to write something like that now. It's a pretty personal story, loosely based on my love life up until that point, which makes it quite interesting (and by interesting, I mean complicated). I found myself wishing that was still at the forefront of my mind. Now all I think about is my career and money. I despise it.

I miss playwriting and I think about going back to it from time to time, but I've struggled to find a topic that inspires me enough to dive in again. I think collaborating on a comedy would do me some good right now. It would be amusing to compare my plays now to those from college; although, my more absurdist writing from college would probably fit the current vibe.

I found myself looking at Wool and the Gang knitting kits for hours the other night. I am craving some kind of repetitive activity that will quiet my mind. I used to knit when I was a kid and I really enjoyed it, so I felt like that would be a safe bet. Can't be too cautious with how I spend my money nowadays.

I promise I'll make some uplifting fashion or beauty content for you next week, I just needed a moment (aka like 3 posts in a row) to wallow.

Till next time!

xx

Nic