Transitional Taurus

Lately I have had this overwhelming feeling that I am in a transitional period. You know when you are in a certain place or at a specific event that feels so poignant that you just know you are living what will be a distinct memory for the rest of your life? I have that meta kind of heightened self-awareness right now, but in the sense of this being a huge time of change for me. I can feel my focus shifting and leaving the last chapter behind. I just don't know where the shift is leading me / where I'm going next.

The foremost thought I've had swirling in my mind is something along these lines: the reason I have felt so lost is that I have been turning my attention away from acting (whether it be purposefully or subconsciously). I used to be a putting-all-my-eggs-in-one-basket kind of girl. I was an actor. I knew it and struggled in undergrad because my program didn't match my desire to hone in on it. Since graduating, I have slowly started to remove the metaphorical eggs one by one. I felt I needed to to stay afloat. I have been spreading myself thin, trying to fit into too many different industries/spheres/specialties, and lo and behold, my basket is now empty and I am left questioning whether I ever had any eggs to offer at all. OF COURSE I feel unskilled right now, I haven't really been doing what I'm skilled at for ages.

As I am writing this, it is 6:20 AM and I have been up all night researching graduate programs again. This time I've really focused in on Yale School of Drama. Yale had always been the dream growing up, but that dream obviously became tarnished. (If you don't know what I'm referring to, check out my earlier post on grad school here). I have been saying that if I were to go to grad school, the only one in the United States I'd consider would be Yale (because let's be honest, higher education is the perfect excuse to travel). It's a three year program, which feels long, but it would provide the jumpstart my career needs. Not to mention, the prospect of working at Yale Rep is exciting as hell.

I am sure that the name of this blog post is now kind of misleading, seeing as I didn't jump right into an astrological prediction about Taurus season. Let's be clear here: I know very little astrology. I know that I am an Aries through and through, and that's where the knowledge stops. But it's truly hard not to pick up some astrology if you use the internet at all nowadays. I have been informed that we just moved into Taurus season, and everything that I have seen thus far has spoken (at least for my sign) of this being a time of transition. It has felt...eerie. It's a general enough idea that it could certainly be less of a thing than I think it is, but I'm choosing to see the connection. This is a time for transition, so I should let it be.

Twitter also told me that I am to expect some positive financial changes, so here's hoping that means some kind of job in the near future. I have found that I am feeling particularly guilty about spending, and it only causes me to fill more virtual shopping carts in an attempt to fill a void. A shift in my income situation would be much welcomed, for the sake of my sanity.

We shall see how things play out, I suppose, but I welcome change. (And I'm sure I'll write about it when it comes, so stay tuned.)

Till next time.

xx

Nic