The Little Victories: An Update

It has only been a week since I posted anything on the blog, but it already feels like I haven't touched it in AGES! It warms my heart to think about how much of a staple posting here has already become. Sorry about the gap to any of my repeat readers, I had to drive into New Jersey twice this past week, so that took up most of the time I would have otherwise used for blogging. AND THEN, my power went out for three days because of the storm. But the bitch is back with a rambly, stream-of-consciousness update post.

The first time I went into Jersey was to start the process of dyeing my hair *cue internal screaming*! My friend Casey Ward (@caseydoesmyhair), who works at Bellibone Salon in Maywood, NJ, is helping me achieve my dream color. We have only done one session so far, but I'm already in love with the color! Seriously, BOOK HER RIGHT NOW. She is a hair GODDESS. Casey approaches hair as an art form; she is incredibly talented and creative! We met through the performing arts in high school and she has a KILLER voice as well. Just go check her out! I promise you, you'll be as obsessed as I am! (@casey.ward)

I can't believe I didn't do this sooner! Here's a few gems from the day of my hair appointment:

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The second reason I drove into Jersey this past week was to support a theatre company that is very near and dear to my heart. New Jersey Summer Theatre Workshop (NJSTW) is a company that I did a production of Spring Awakening with three summers ago now. NJSTW produces amazing work in only four weeks and truly creates a family amongst the cast members, band, production team, and crew. I met some of my best friends through working there. SPRAWK is still my favorite theatrical experience to this day!

I have aged out of their program, but have gone back various times in the past few years to help with casting and to support the shows. My very first music teacher and mentor, Mike Yesenosky (@omgitsmry), is the director of their junior productions and he does sound for all of the shows. He's an incredibly talented pianist, sound designer, photographer, and teacher/director and I credit him with sparking my love for theatre in the first place. I have him to thank for my involvement with NJSTW.

So this summer, NJSTW made some major changes and figured out a way to keep this incredible program alive. They performed their two shows in a public garden, with all of the cast members and crew wearing masks, and with no physical contact between the characters. The audience was socially distant as well, bringing their own blankets and lawn chairs to sprawl out over the grass. It was truly inspiring to still see theatre coming to life in these times. This past week I ushered for the shows and took some photos for them, but what I really wanted to talk about in this post was a different occasion that was recently facilitated by NJSTW.

In addition to the junior and senior productions, NJSTW hosts a cabaret/benefit concert every summer that features the cast members of the productions and a guest star. This year, they hosted an outdoor concert in their newfound performance space, and I was asked to come down and sing. Mike and I had prepared "Stars and the Moon" from Jason Robert Brown's Songs for a New World a few years ago, but the event we were going to perform it at was sadly cancelled. I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to finally perform it together!

"Stars and the Moon" is a story song about a woman who thinks that all she ever wanted was wealth and comfort. She gives up true love and fulfilling relationships on her path to chase this ideal. It's heartbreaking, so it's right up my alley. (Check it out when you get the chance, it rips your heart out.) It's always best when I can focus on conveying a story. I don't get super in my head about how I sound. Performing "Stars and the Moon" was similar to how I felt singing "The Tale of the Oyster," which was my favorite song of my senior recital (I'll link it here so you can get an idea of what I mean by story/narrative songs).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8z1E2aae4E

Performing "Stars and the Moon" a few weeks ago was a breakthrough experience. After what has probably been the longest live performance hiatus of my life, I was too excited to sing to let nerves get in the way. It felt AMAZING. I really enjoyed performing again! It's been a long time since I've felt so proud of a live performance. And getting to work with Mike and Darren (my Spring Awakening director, who accompanied me on drums) again was truly the icing on the cake. Mike came over after we were done and said, "That was really great," and I was like, "I KNOW RIGHT." Of course, I'm not saying this in a cocky way, I mean more that it was one of those moments where you could feel the buzz from the audience. The instrumentalists and I just gelled! There's a certain kind of electricity you feel when a performance is going well and you can just ride the high.

(Mike, Darren, and I performing "Stars and the Moon")

When I went back to see the shows this past week, Darren's wife was standing at the ticket table with me and she said "You were the one that sang at the cabaret right? That was really beautiful." And I swear to you, I almost cried. I miss this part of performance almost as much as I miss the actual performing itself. The part where you get to touch people, move people. Leave a lasting impression on them.

Just wanted to give an update on my performance anxiety, after making those posts about how frequently I have been questioning myself and getting far too in my head. Sometimes, it's the little victories.

xx